How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
