So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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