Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
