You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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