Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
