i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
