There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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