Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
