dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
