This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize