Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
