Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
