I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
