I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
