You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
