Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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