I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
