Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
