in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
