There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
