Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
