After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize