If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
