Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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