The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
