Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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