look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
