If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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