i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
