I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
