I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
