You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
