The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
