so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize