Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
