is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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