I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
