OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think i have two assholes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
