So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
