I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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