whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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