Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
