zippers are such a cool invention
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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