I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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