Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
