Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
