I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
