Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
