I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just google imaged poop.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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