mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
