STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
