I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
