My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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