A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
