I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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