oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
