Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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