so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
