Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
