its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
