I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
