i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
